Act Like A Lady – Think Like A Man

This book is dedicated to all women. My hope is to empower you with a wide-open look into the minds of men.

I’ve made a living for more than twenty years making people
laugh—about themselves, about each other, about family,
and friends, and, most certainly, about love, sex, and relationships.
My humor is always rooted in truth and full of wisdom—
the kind that comes from living, watching, learning,
and knowing. I’m told my jokes strike chords with people because
they can relate to them, especially the ones that explore
the dynamics of relationships between men and women. It
never ceases to amaze me how much people talk about relationships,
think about them, read about them, ask about them—
even get in them without a clue how to move them forward.
For sure, if there’s anything I’ve discovered during my journey
here on God’s earth, it’s this: (a) too many women are clueless
about men, (b) men get away with a whole lot of stuff in rela-
tionships because women have never understood how men
think, and (c) I’ve got some valuable information to change all
of that.
I discovered this when my career transitioned to radio with
the Steve Harvey Morning Show. Back when my show was based
in Los Angeles, I created a segment called “Ask Steve,” during
which women could call in and ask anything they wanted to
about relationships. Anything. At the very least, I thought “Ask
Steve” would lead to some good comedy, and at first, that’s
pretty much what it was all about for me—getting to the jokes.
But it didn’t take me long to realize that what my listeners,
mostly women, were going through wasn’t really a laughing
matter. They had dozens of categories of needs and concerns in
their lives that they were trying to get a handle on—dating,
commitment, security, family baggage, hopes for tomorrow,
spirituality, in-law drama, body image, aging, friendships, children,
work/home balance, education. You name the topic,
somebody asked me about it. And heading up the list of topics
women wanted to talk about was—you guessed it—men.
My female listeners really wanted answers—answers to
how to get out of a relationship what they’re putting into it.
On those “Ask Steve” segments, and later, through the
“Strawberry Letters” segment I do on the current incarnation
of the Steve Harvey Morning Show, women have made clear that
they want an even exchange with men: they want their love
to be reciprocated in the same way they give it; they want
their romantic lives to be as rewarding as they make them for
their potential mates; they want the emotions that they turn
on full blast to be met with the same intensity; and they expect
the premium that they put on commitment to be equally adhered
to, valued, and respected. The problem for all too many
women who call in to my radio show, though, is that they just
can’t get that reciprocation from men, and women then end
up feeling disappointed, disenfranchised, and disillusioned by
their failed relationships.
When I step back from the jokes, and the microphone gets
turned off and the lights in the studio go down, and I think
about what women ask me every morning on my show, I get
incredibly perplexed—perplexed because even though my
callers have all presumably had some experience with men
(whether they are friends, boyfriends, lovers, husband, fathers,
brothers, or co-workers), these women still genuinely want to
know how to get the love they want, need, and deserve. I’ve
concluded that the truths they seek are never as obvious to
them as they are to us men. Try as they might, women just
don’t get us.
With this in mind, I stopped joking around and got very real
with my audience. Through my answers, I started imparting
wisdom about men—wisdom gathered from working more
than half a century on one concept: how to be a man. I also
spent countless hours talking to my friends, all of whom are
men. They are athletes, movie and television stars, insurance
brokers and bankers, guys who drive trucks, guys who coach
basketball teams, ministers and deacons, Boy Scout leaders,
store manager, ex-cons, inmates, and yes, even hustlers. And
one simple thing is true about each of us: we are very simple
people and all basically think in a similar way.
When I filter my answers through that lens of how men view
relationships, the women in my audience start to understand
why the complexities and nuances they drag into each of their
relationships with the opposite sex really serve them no justice.
I teach them very quickly that expecting a man to respond to
them the way a woman would is never going to work. They
then realize that a clear-eyed, knowing approach to dealing
with men on their terms, on their turf, in their way, can, in
turn, get women exactly what they want.
Indeed, my advice for the folks who called in on the “Ask
Steve” segment of the Steve Harvey Morning Show became so
popular that fans—women and men—started asking me when
I was going to write a relationship book—something to help
the women who genuinely want to be in a solid, committed
relationship figure out how to get one, and help the men ready
for those relationships to be recognized for what they can and
are willing to bring to the table. I have to admit: I didn’t
really see the value of writing a relationship book at first.
What, after all, did I have to add to the conversation beyond
the answers I give to an audience of millions every morning?
Even bigger than that, how could I be taken seriously? Hell,
I’m not a writer.
But then I started thinking about the relationships that I’ve
had in my lifetime, talked to some of my male friends and some
of my female co-workers and associates, and put together a few
informal focus groups. I considered the impact that relationships
have on each of us, and especially the impact they’ve had
on me. My father? He was married to my mother for sixty-four
years. My mother was invaluable to him. And she was invaluable
to me—the most influential person in my life. Equally
valuable to me are my wife and my children. In fact, my girls
and my concern for their future inspire me here as well. They
will all grow up and reach for the same dream most women do:
The husband. Some kids. A house. A happy life. True love. And
I want desperately for my children to avoid being misguided
and misled by the games men have created just to perpetrate the
greed and selfishness we tend to show the world until we
become the men God wants us to be. I know—because of my
mother, my wife, my daughters, and the millions of women
who listen to my show every morning—that women need a
voice, someone to help get them through and decipher the
muck, so they can get what they’re truly after. I figured I could
be that guy to wave across the fence and say, “I’m going to tell
you the secrets—the real deal about men, the things we wish
you knew about us, but that we really don’t want you to know,
lest we lose the game.”
In essence, Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man is a playbook
of sorts. You remember how a few years back, the New England
Patriots got accused of one of the biggest cheating scandals
in NFL history? NFL investigators found out that the team
had been secretly videotaping practices and reading mouths to
figure out the plays of their opposing teams—a practice that
gave them a distinct advantage over their rivals. For sure, the
Patriots’ dirty ways were almost as advantageous to the New
England team as if they were reading the opposition’s playbook.
With the advantage, the Patriots were able to win games.
This is what I wish for the women who read Act Like a Lady,
Think Like a Man. I want every woman who truly wants a solid
relationship but just can’t figure out how to get one, and those
who are already in a relationship and trying to figure out how
to make it better, to forget everything she’s ever been taught
about men—erase the myths, the heresy, everything your
mother told you, everything your girlfriends told you, all the
advice you’ve read in magazines and seen on television—and
find out here, in these pages, who men really are. What men
count on is that you’ll continue to get your advice from other
women who do not know our tactics or our mind-set. Act Like
a Lady, Think Like a Man is going to change this for you. If
you’re dating, and you want to find out how to take it to another
level, this book is for you. If you’re in a committed relationship,
and you want to get the ring, this book is for you. If you’re
married and you want to regain control and strengthen your
bond, or if you’re tired of being played with, then I want you to
use this book as a tool—to take each of the principles, rules,
and tips in this no-nonsense guide and use them to anticipate a
man’s game plan, and to counter with an offense and defense
that’s unstoppable. Because trust me: the playbook you all have
been using is outdated, and the plays don’t work. In fact, the
biggest play you have in your arsenal—the one where you walk
into a relationship thinking you’re going to “change” your man,
is the worst and most doomed play of them all. Why? Because
no matter what other women are shouting from the covers of
magazines, on the television talk shows, during your girlfriend
getaway bonding trips, and on blogs from here to Timbuktu,
there are basic things in men that are never going to change.
No matter how good you are to a man, no matter how good
you are for him, until you understand what his makeup is, what
drives him, what motivates him, and how he loves, you will be
vulnerable to his deception and the games he plays.
But with this book, you can get into a man’s mind-set and
understand him better, so that you can put into play your plans,
your dreams, and your desires, and best of all, you can figure
out if he’s planning to be with you or just playing with you.
So act like a lady, and think like a man.


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